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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23756590">Accepting yourself is not easy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rallenreiher/pseuds/Rallenreiher'>Rallenreiher</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crime Scenes, Fluff, Gavin Reed is Bad at Feelings, Light Angst, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:00:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,718</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23756590</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rallenreiher/pseuds/Rallenreiher</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Gavin and Nines are called to a crime scene something disturbes the RK900.<br/>After a long day of silence they finally talk about their feelings.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Accepting yourself is not easy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was an early morning in Detroit and the sun was already high in the sky. The sum-mer’s heat slowed most people down, suffocating them. A puff of smoke arose from Gavin’s cigarette. He took one last draft before the cigarette got stomped under his shoe. Looking at the building upfront he started walking towards it. Being late to work had never been a trait of him. Not like his Lieutenant however. The precinct was lucky when that old drunk showed up before noon.  If Gavin had a say in that matter, he would have fired him years ago. If Gavin had a say in anything, he wouldn’t have to work with his new partner anymore. But luck was not on his side it seemed. Just as he entered the office a certain voice reached his ears. “Good morning, Detective Reed.” “Morning, Nines,” was Gavin’s mumbled response. He fell in the chair at his desk and turned on the computer. Case file after case file enrolled on his desktop, causing the detective to groan. As a detective working on homicide at the Detroit Police Depart-ment, his caseload never seemed to cease. Especially after the android revolution in November last year.<br/>
Over the past 27 years androids have been established in many working fields, mostly heavy or dangerous work. They were supposed to carry out all annoying and repetitive tasks so humans had more time to tend to more important matters. Whichever those were. Cyberlife was the leading company in the USA to manufacture androids. They held a monopoly, which led to Cyberlife becoming the first one trillion dollar company in the world. However, the excessive usage of androids led to an increase of the un-employment rate up to 37 per cent. That is why many people hated androids even till this day, treating them poorly. But in 2038 something changed. Androids started de-veloping emotions and demanding equal rights. The turmoils intensified, ending in a peaceful resolution, granting androids almost complete equality with humans.<br/>
Gavin sighed as another new case popped up on his computer screen. Suspected dou-ble homicide. “Come on Nines. We got a…” “new case. I know. 22 Northumberland Street. We better hurry.” Of course that prick already knew the details. Always one step ahead. Gavin got up from his chair and followed Nines out of the precinct. They entered the stations own parking lot and headed for Gavin’s car. Although most cars those days were autonomous and driving by themselves, Gavin still preferred to drive himself. He liked to be in control and didn’t trust the car’s AI. The engine roared to life and they made their way to the crime scene. They drove mostly in silence. Sometimes Nines would make a comment about Gavin that he should buy an autonomous car be-cause they would be safer compared to this, quoting “dangerously inferior vehicle.” Gavin would just flip him off and turn up the volume of the radio.<br/>
After half an hour they finally arrived at the crime scene. It was in a rather quiet neighbourhood which wasn’t really known for a high crime rate. Gavin’s car came to a halt in front of an old one story brick house. The place was sealed off with police tape stopping nosy by lookers. Gavin and Nines made their way to the front porch, showing their badges to a police officer. Ben, another detective from the DPD, greeted them as they entered. “Morning, guys. The victim is Gary Kayes, 42 years old. He sustained massive trauma to the head and severe lacerations at the throat. The cause of death was probably the massive blood loss. The other victim is a PC200 android. He’s got severe dents on the head which probably destroyed his processors. It seems that they lived here together. A friend found them this morning and called us.” “Alright, we’ll take a look around.” Gavin walked past Ben and into the house. Just as he entered, the offending scent of decay reached his nostrils. “There is nothing about a fresh corpse in the morning” “I suppose you are being sarcastic, Detective?” “Fuck off, tin can.” Gavin brushed him off harshly and went to examine the corpse of Gary Kayes. Nines just fur-rowed his brows and made his way to the dead android, trying to gather as many clues as possible. Gavin watched his partner go down the hallway before turning his full at-tention to the dead body in front of him. The throat was carved in and the chest and floor were covered in glistening crimson blood. Gavin had already seen many corpses during his career but the sight was always gruesome. It changed people. Most officers at homicide tried to forget about it and distract their minds with hobbies. Others went to therapists every month and talked. Gavin did neither of those things. He was that type of person that bottled their emotions up which led to a passive aggressive behav-iour. His caffeine consumption increased when he had yet another sleepless night. Although over the last six months he got a little bit better. It certainly had nothing to do with his partner staying over sometimes. Gavin would never admit it but when Nines stayed over to review a case with him, he actually slept better. Speaking of the devil where was he? Gavin looked around in the living room only seeing people of the forensics team taking photos and collecting evidence. A trace of Thirium led further down the hall to the bathroom. Thirium, also called blue blood, was the fluid that powered androids’ biocomponents. It evaporated after a few hours turning invisible to the human eye. So the trail being still visible meant the android died only a short time ago. Gavin got to his feet and strolled down the hallway. The moment he entered through the door to the bathroom his stomach churned. Tiles and walls covered in blue. A corpse propped up on the bath tub, face dented to a degree it couldn’t be iden-tified. On the mirror smeared with blue blood was a message. “’I am sorry’. What the hell? Did this android kill the guy in the living room?” “I think so, yes.” Nines stepped back a bit from the corpse. His voice was flat and resigned. Gavin caught onto that immediately. His partner was always controlled and professional. So why did he seem so distressed? However Gavin hadn’t the intention on calling him out on his emotions at a crime scene, so he asked him about the victim. “The PC200 named Kyle lived with Mr. Kayes for five months. He self-destructed due to his stress levels reaching 100 per cent.” “What made him do it?” Nines took in a shallow breath. Gavin eyed him suspi-ciously. Showing emotional distress had been a rare sight since they partnered up. Nines continued his explanation. “I detect residues of Kayes’ blood on his cloths. The evidence speaks for Kyle having murdered Mr. Kayes. After Kyle realized what he had done, he went to the bathroom, left this note and self-destructed. Apparently he was not aware of his actions for which reason he wanted to apologize by writing it on the mirror. He killed his partner unknowingly.” Nines grew silent after his exemplification. The mirror’s reflection illuminated a bright flashing red for a few seconds before set-tling at yellow. Gavin looked at Nines. His ever so stoic face showing a hint of fear and distress. His LED blinking rapidly, not wanting to settle on a calm blue. His outer shell cracking open a little to reveal a slither of his emotions. Gavin had never been good with people but seeing his android partner shaken up so badly drove him to place his hand on Nines shoulder. Any other day Nines would have shrugged him off or would have made a snarky remark. But feeling Gavin’s hand on his shoulder reassured him. He leaned into the touch relishing this fleeting moment. After a few seconds Gavin’s hand retracted and he looked Nines in the eyes. “You good?” “Yes. I apologize for my behaviour. I should continue with the investigation.” Nines quickly averted his eyes and made his way out of the bathroom. Shit, what was Gavin thinking? Of course Nines wouldn’t want his comfort. Nobody would want to talk about their feelings with the precincts biggest asshole of a detective. He never cared about other people and mostly mocked them for their weaknesses. Although deep inside he was a broken man who tried to hide his problems with confronting others. Nines was different in that matter. Gavin didn’t want to hurt him, even though it might seem that way with their daily banter. An unknowing onlooker would categorize it as disdain, but deep down both knew it was a form of affection. Neither Gavin nor Nines would ever admit it to any-body though. So seeing Nines rejecting Gavin’s efforts at comforting him made some-thing in Gavin twinge.<br/>
However Gavin didn’t get the chance of asking him right away. The android kept to himself for the rest of the investigation. Even when they arrived back at the precinct Nines didn’t make any effort of conversation. Sitting at their desks, Gavin had been thinking on how to start a conversation with Nines all day. Each time he actually tried, the mopy android wouldn’t respond and pretend to be deep in thought over a case file. Gavin knew him too well at this point to not see through the façade. They kept working like this till 6pm. When Gavin’s shift neared the end, he looked opposite his desk once again. Nines had his eyes closed and his LED was spinning in a golden yellow. It was now or never. Gavin just had to ask him. Why was it so hard to find the correct words? “Hey uh, Nines?” The tall android across Gavin’s desk opened his eyes as Gavin spoke, but his LED remained yellow. “So, uh. I know today wasn’t that great of a day but… you wanna come over today? I mean just to talk, or if you don’t want to it’s still alright. Just ah, I don’t know.” Nines lifted his brows slightly. Gavin was clearly uncomfortable asking such a thing, fidgeting with his hands. Before he could back away though, Nines answered. “I appreciate and accept your offer, Detective Reed. Perhaps we should discuss the current situation between us.” Gavin’s face turned a slight red at that statement. God, did that bastard even knew what he was saying? Thankfully Gavin quickly composed himself and glossed over the fact that he kind of blushed in front of his android partner in the middle of the precinct. He quickly grabbed his jacket and car keys and made a move for the exit. “Hey, Nines! Are you coming or what?” “Of course, Detective!” Nines fell in step with him swiftly and they went to Gavin’s apartment to-gether.<br/>
“Here we are. Make yourself at home,” Gavin said nonchalantly while walking into the kitchen to prepare lunch. In his case two sandwiches and a glass of water. Pathetic, he knew. As he returned to his living room Nines had already settled on the couch and on his lap Zulu, Gavin’s cat. A purr filled the room as Nines scratched the cat’s chin. “Seems like he bonded with you pretty fast. Normally that asshole hisses at everyone who dares looking at him the wrong way.” “Sounds familiar.” “Oh fuck off, tin can!” Gavin punched Nines lightly in the arm causing a small smile to pull up on the androids face. Just as fast as it crept up it already vanished. Something distressed the android clearly. It definitely had to do something with the android that killed his roommate. Gavin wasn’t a detective for nothing. He cleared his throat and began his sentence, knowing this would either result in Nines telling him the truth or closing off entirely. “So today, at the crime scene. The android in the bathroom wasn’t a great sight, I know. The gore wasn’t the reason for your light thingy to go crazy though, am I right? I might be the worst person to talk about such things but not talking at all won’t help you. You just gotta let it out, you know?” Oh god that was terrible. Now he has fucked up completely. Gavin was already getting up from the couch. He would go to his bed-room and pretend this never happened, like always. But Nines suddenly spoke up, startling Gavin. “You are right. As my partner I shouldn’t have let you out on this. The truth is that this android, Kyle, reminded me of myself. More precisely my initial pro-gramming. Cyberlife designed me to be the perfect killing machine. To be faster, cold-er, more resilient. Obeying every order they commanded, no matter the consequenc-es. I can imagine how many people I would have hurt without deviating. The thought of Cyberlife gaining control over me again and forcing me to hurt someone important to me is quite… unsettling.” Silence unfolded after Nines confession. Gavin processed it for a while until he caught onto one thing. ‘Someone important to me’. Could the an-droid be talking about him? No, who would think of Gavin as someone significant. Ab-solutely ridiculous! ”Nines, you don’t have to worry about Cyberlife doing anything anymore. They got bankrupt, they’re gone. Even if they designed you as a killer ma-chine, that doesn’t matter anymore. You’re your own person and chose what you wanted to become. Accepting yourself is not easy, I can speak for myself. But you’re making a damn good job. You should be proud at yourself.” Gavin’s voice shook with every word. He had never said such kind words to anybody before. But this android deserved it. He deserved everything in the world. Gavin would do anything to make him happy, hear his light laughter. It filled the detective with joy and let him forget about his personal problems. Nines eyes were trained on Gavin the whole time. Those beautiful icy grey eyes. The detective could easily get lost in those eyes all day. He snapped out of his thoughts, realizing they have been looking at each other for a while now. Quickly Gavin averted his eyes feeling his cheeks burning up. “Your heart rate is elevated, Gavin.” Was it just him or did Nines’ voice sound raspier than before? Gavin didn’t dare to look up. He felt a hand reaching for his face. His instincts told him to shrug away. Letting someone into his life would always result in Gavin getting hurt. Should he allow Nines to enter his life in such a way? Fearing the constant risk of being abandoned? Nines fingertips brushed against his chin. Gavin shuddered and let out a shaky breath. He finally found the courage to look Nines in the eyes and all he could see was pure affection. In this moment Gavin fully realized that the android in front of him was in love. In love with him. All this time being partnered up, the detective con-cealed his feelings with banter and sarcasm. He didn’t even realize for most of the time. But feeling Nines’ cold skin on his own opened Gavin’s eyes. He leaned forward, carefully as not to startle the android. Nines seemed to know what Gavin was about to do and leaned in as well, closing his eyes simultaneously. Their lips connected and all tension between them dispersed. Gavin moved his lips tenderly relishing every milli-second of the kiss. Nines being a little bit overwhelmed at the start quickly found his composure again, beginning to kiss with more assertiveness. The kiss seemed to last forever until they eventually parted. Both men breathed heavily resting their fore-heads on another. “Didn’t know androids need to breath,” whispered Gavin. Nines just chuckled at that. “I am full of surprises, Gavin. As a detective you should know that by now.” “Oh shut up, asshole. I’m an exceptional detective.” “I have no doubt about that.” As Gavin scoffed loudly, Nines leaned in to catch his lips once again before the human could muster another witty remark. Their mutual banter would never subside, yet they both knew it was just their weird way of showing affection. They loved each other. In their own, strange, mocking manner.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reeding.<br/>And thanks to Artemis for beta reading.<br/>Ya'll have a nice day.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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